Hopelessly Romantic - A Personal Entry

Recently, I saw someone write that they are a Hopeless Romantic. This concept I haven't thought about in a while, not since I've been younger. It used to be a sweet concept to me, but after more recent experiences, has taken on a whole different connotation. Yes, I'm nearing 50 and am not nearly as naive as I was. Not cynical, though, and don't think I will ever be.

What it used to mean to me was being able to feel romantic in the present moment. To be someone who pays attention to the needs of their significant other or current interest and fill the connection with thoughtful deeds. Being selfless in attending to the emotional needs of another in endearing ways. Little notes and poems, cleaning the snow off their car, cooking a special dinner, whispering tender sentiments...

What I've learned with my last two relationship attempts is different. For them it meant to look outside the current connection to find that *new* feeling over and over again. It meant romanticizing about potential relationships with others and pursuing them. It meant not having the capability to find it in the moment, thus making it happen in their imagination.

Hopeless, indeed.

Granted, we all live a bit of a made up reality. It's not good to constantly remind oneself of one's faults and more worthwhile to see the potential and try to live up to that. These people lived in a thought and emotional world that was so unreal, it was foreign to me. Never before had someone lied to me so consistently. They lied to themselves even more. We all must live in some denial, lest the world feel empty, but these people lived in some dream world.

I'm not cynical - really I'm not. It was interesting. Intriguing how our thoughts can lead us to such great lengths. It did hurt greatly at the time of the revelation. In hindsight, I learned a lot from that time of emotional upheaval.

I guess I'm a hopeful romantic. :)

Storque Linked. Etsy Statistics Coming!!!

Sweet! I sure wish there was a way to know when Etsy featured us in the Storque. Currently, it's luck to run across an item. Statistics would help us determine this.

Ironically, this Storque article about Etsy Statistics forthcoming is how I found out that I have my spreadsheet featured. :) Ha ha! How funny!

Weekly Topics Pulled From FAQs

*gasp* Yes, the blog lives. And since a couple of parts really live, I thought I'd expand on the helpful portions.

The FAQs is one of the most popular pages, as is the Links page, so I'm going to pick out parts of those to discuss a bit more.

Which parts would you like to learn more about? Do you have any additions? Leave a comment here if you do.

(I have to work long shifts the next few days, but check back for the expanded version...)

Thanks!

Loosewire

Fallout Art Fest - July 19th - Minneapolis

Come see me on Saturday! :)

Fri July 18: Indie Film Fest: 7pm. Saturday July 19: noon-10pm
Come be part of our block party/art extravaganza! The Art Fest features indoor and outdoor music stages, an indoor art gallery, and interactive art booths.

The Art Fest is on the 2600 block of Stevens Ave S and 2nd Ave S (near MCAD and the MIA).

4 stages indoor/outdoor stages, Interactive art booths, Gallery, Drum Jams, Free Food, Kids Activities, 30 bands/performers & 50+ young and local artists, 2,000 attended & took part in the unique atmosphere of interactive stations, workshops, art displays, & performances.

So long, Etsy. (For now.)

So, what has Etsy meant to me? It's meant a place to sell my art. It has meant being able to participate in a community of like-minded artists, and some not so like-minded. :) It's meant learning a LOT and then sharing that with others. It has meant growing to know some pretty spectacular people. Oh, and it has meant addiction.

Yep, addiction. My personality type is a helper, a mediator. I'm an INFP/INFJ and a 9w1, Myers-Briggs and Enneagram respectively. Recently, for a new job, I tested quite high in customer service skills. In past jobs, I've been a techie, helping via phone and in person. And a software analyst. So along come the Etsy Forums. Lots of people have questions. I either know or have learned the answers. So I share. I gather information of oft asked questions and chart. I make note of answers not in the Help section and links touted but not on the site. I read and learn and write and teach. This is such a big part of what Etsy is about. It's a great part. Great.

Great. Yeah. At 10,000 topics posted in, I am generously asked to write a Storque article. Wow! Threads are posted asking how many topics people have posted in and I always "win".

Well, at 16,340 I decide I need to step away for a while. I tried to just step away from the forums, but going to my shop led me back in. So now I shut down my shop for a while to assist in breaking what feels like an addiction. If I got paid for it, I would feel differently, but it doesn't pay the bills and has become a black hole for my time. Oh, I LOVE it and it feels so rewarding to me, but I need to pay more attention to the rest of my life for a while.

So, I'm starting a new full-time job soon and will be focusing on craft and art fairs. Maybe now I'll take the time to get my work into more Brick and Mortar (B&M) stores. (Learned that on Etsy.) Maybe I'll check out some of the other sites more thoroughly, though I know they pale in comparison to Etsy. Maybe I'll build a stronger connection with more of my friends. Ah... saying this makes me realize I will miss the friends I've made on Etsy.

So, wish me luck. I wish you luck, prosperity and all the goodness life has to offer. We all deserve this.

Remember to keep Etsy kind and generous. Don't let the nay sayers take over! In one of my last posts, I said this and I fully believe it:

"I think it's more of a challenge to be truly compassionate in life than to go around ranting about the wrongs of the world.

Both can be effective, but the experience is wholly different."

(You know I'll be back...)

A Bit Personal... PTSD

I'm 48 years old and suffer from PTSD - still. Oh, I've worked hard on the effects of it and have learned a LOT and overcome much, but still it lingers.

When I was young, I was physically beaten often. My older brother is much worse off than me, so I feel lucky. I'm amazingly functional. He's been in and out of mental institutions and jail.

I understand that what happened to me at such a young age is stored in my emotional self. At that age, I couldn't rationalize what was happening. I just survived the war zone type atmosphere. At this older age, of intelligence and greater wisdom, that small part of me still responds. At this older age, I can now at least recognize it when it happens and try to take steps to alleviate it.

It's so strange, how it manifests itself:
-Depression.
-Auto response to anger or even loud voices.
-Sometimes I freeze. I get stuck for hours or days. Inaction.
-When it's bad, I will separate from my body. Many times I've been outside myself, watching me do things I wouldn't normally do. Sometimes self-destructive. At least I don't lose time.

The freeze part is what I'm working on now. It's been a tough one. I liken it to how I used to have to wait. Wait for her to come home, to know if it was safe to sleep. Being awakened from a sleep and beaten was one of the toughest times. Or I'd go to school and not go in, because I had a bald spot the size of my hand or visible bruises and I was embarassed. Or I'd sleep in my closet or under my bed, to avoid. Often, I'd run out of the house and find a place to sleep outside. I had a memory once, when I walked past a dryer vent. I remembered how I'd stand by these to stay warm in the Minnesota winters.

What am I waiting for now? I dunno. I think I'm sometimes just waiting for it all to pass. It gets so tiring.

Oh, I've worked on it. I've sat in it. I've examined it until my brain hurts. But it's the small emotional part that needs to be connected with this adult wisdom, and it's so hard to know how to connect the two.

So, I wait. For now. For the next thing that helps. For some true peace. I'm tired.

Saturday Sale - Recurring!

In the spirit of SNS (Saturday Night Specials), I'm going to start a Saturday sale. Since I am now working a job on Saturdays and am unable to effectively participate in SNS, I'm going to have a recurring sale this day on my own. :)

Each Saturday, look for the item that will be on sale. Or items. Occasionally, I'll have a full shop sale, but this will be rare.

This week, I'll have one of my more popular items, my Copper Hammered Domes. They come with a solid sterling earwire. These are cut, hammered and formed by me from a large piece of copper.



Sale runs from Midnight to Midnight, EDT. (Etsy time.)